The Power to Redefine How We’re Seen

7 min readOct 11, 2024

Breaking Free from the Narrow Perceptions That Fragment Our Identity and Limit Our Happiness

Context

What if I told you that no one in your life — no matter how close or insightful — has ever truly seen the whole of you? Every relationship we form, whether with parents, siblings, friends, lovers, or colleagues, is not just a connection but — a reflection that often says more about the person looking than the one being seen. From the moment we engage with someone, their intelligence, sensitivity, and life experiences shape a specific, often narrow, portrait of who they believe we are. And over time, they cling to that portrait as if it defines us entirely.

This is where the subtle trap of relationships lies: we are constantly being held to the version of ourselves that others construct. They see a fragment, a single angle of our complex, multifaceted nature, yet treat that fragment as though it were the full picture. It’s an incomplete, sometimes impoverished, view. The more we stretch beyond that limited frame, the more we feel the tension — until the only way to escape the constraint is to leave the relationship altogether, abandoning not just the person but the rigid view of ourselves that they impose.

In this insight, I want to explore how we, too, participate in this process, unconsciously adopting the roles others assign to us, playing characters in their stories. Over time, we internalize these views, which shape our sense of self, limiting our potential to evolve. And yet, the truth is that none of these portraits — however flattering or disempowering — can ever capture the richness of who we truly are.

This reflection invites us to reconsider the relationships we maintain and the images they project onto us. It challenges us to recognize that every connection we hold is merely a partial glimpse of our identity and that it is within our power to seek relationships that allow us to grow, rather than confine us to a single, narrow narrative. More importantly, it reminds us that to fully embrace the depth of who we are, we must first recognize that no person’s view will ever encapsulate the totality of our being.

As soon as you get together with another person, your view of yourself “through the other” drastically changes. You can be one person one morning and a soon as you meet another friend or business partner in the afternoon, you morph into someone else based on the different “view of you” that is at play.

Either way, every person you’re with only offers one view, a snapshot or aspect of you, no matter what takes place. If the meetings are repeated, the tendency is to remember what you think you know about the other and you find yourself duplicating the same gestures, attitudes, feelings, and topics.

The reverse is true as you have developed a “view of them” as well. Views are entirely subjective and only accurate in relationship to the interpretations of what happens. We go on living based on these aspects or fragments of ourselves believing that it actually reflects who we are. We carry on filled with stories and perspectives of ourselves entirely based on the statements we heard before. As time goes on, we literally become the characters that have been shaped by others with hardly any concern as to their accuracy.

These mises en scène can feel uplifting, supportive, and even empowering depending on the choices we make about the people in our lives. Conversely, they can be abusive, hurtful, and damaging.

In all cases, the point I am making is three-fold: one is that no matter how real it feels, it’s only one view of you per person or group. Think of it as barely an aspect of you. If you frequent a hundred people, you end up with a hundred variations of you — and it’s still not the whole you! Two, if you leave the environment of a specific relationship, you change your persona. We only behave according to what the connection allows.

Self-expression is always tied to what is permissible in that environment and the people in it.

The third consideration is that you can redefine who you are by switching allegiances from the people or groups that make you feel awful or project negative views of you, to people and environments that fit you like a glove and shower you with positive images of your personality. Either way, they are only fragments of you. The totality is never reached because human beings are so rich and complex. The only sad news is that we habitually tend to hang around in some circles out of fear: fear of abandonment or being outcast and ostracized.

Going Deeper

Imagine a kaleidoscope: every time you meet someone new, a different pattern of yourself emerges. With friends, you might express humor and vulnerability. With colleagues, professionalism, and ambition might dominate. In romantic relationships, perhaps affection, passion, or insecurity surfaces. None of these patterns is the “whole” you — they’re facets that emerge due to the interaction with another person’s energy, personality, and expectations. Think of an actor playing different roles. At home, they are a parent, a spouse, or someone dealing with everyday concerns. On the set, they transform into someone entirely different. The same person, yet the roles shape the “you” that shows up.

To further explore, ask: What happens when you recognize this fragmentation as something you have power over? Are you letting others’ views of you dictate the persona you adopt? Could you consciously choose to blend, merge, or even discard certain fragments based on how they serve or hinder your growth or your path?

As individuals, our “attitudes and thought patterns” shift based on the connection at play. The recognition of this adaptability isn’t just an insight but a tool for freedom. By realizing that you’re constantly adjusting based on interactions, you can either embrace this flexibility as a strength or see where it’s leading you astray. Picture someone who is quiet and reserved in professional settings but outgoing and bold in social circles. They adapt to fit their perception of what’s expected, yet neither version is fixed.

How often do you find yourself changing to fit the roles others have created for you? Could you begin using this affliction as a conscious act of creation? Instead of letting circumstances dictate your behavior, could you start to intentionally choose how to “be” in any setting?

Choosing Supportive Spaces

We have the power to redefine ourselves by consciously selecting environments that reflect more positive, empowering fragments of who we are. Shifting allegiances to groups or individuals that nourish us can be transformative — but we must still realize that even these environments only reflect a portion of who we are. You may have experienced environments where you felt stifled, constantly aware of negative energy being projected onto you. Leaving that circle and joining a more supportive network can dramatically reshape your perception of self-worth.

It raises the question of authenticity. If all interactions are just fragments, can you ever fully know yourself through others? Or does the journey toward self-knowledge lie outside these relational “mirrors” entirely? Could inner work, meditation, solitude, or creative expressions be ways to experience a fuller sense of self, beyond the roles we play in relationship to others?

Integration

You could begin an internal exploration of how many different personas you adopt in various relationships. Journal on which feel authentic and which feel like masks. Next time you interact with someone, pause to notice how you are shifting to meet their view of you — the one you’re accustomed to or doesn’t rock the boat. Experiment with breaking that pattern and choosing to embody a version of yourself that aligns with your internal vision, not their external perception. Perhaps talk about it with those involved? Do they share the same trappings?

Furthermore, you could explore your fears about leaving certain groups or relationships. What beliefs about yourself keep you attached to people who do not reflect your highest self? How could you move beyond these fixed patterns and beliefs? There exist so many facets of ourselves beyond interpersonal dynamics.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A New Stage for Business | Outstanding Skills in Public Speaking, Business Communication, and Negotiation are the Foundation of our Training Solutions.

In business as in sports, talent is king.

Competence is the bridge between talent and outcome. Therefore, skills catalyze talent and realign purpose with potential.

“Helping clients leverage the potential energies within themselves and their organization. To communicate with others effectively, achieve stretched goals, and demonstrate accountability.”

Public speaking & Business Communication relies on skill dynamics of self-confidence, clear intentions, and authenticity. Targeting organic body language, the immediate by-products are increased self-awareness, impact, and credibility.

More than 25 years of experience and insights into performance, leadership & self-development. Because of a long background in the performing arts and a unique dive into psychology (Behavioral, Cognitive, and Humanistic) as it relates to self-development, I was inspired to work with countless individuals outside of show business. Executives, leaders, entrepreneurs, CEOs, marketing strategists, athletes, celebrities, universities, etc.

Quantum Design Connection Business Communication & Negotiations

Speakers & Artists International Speaking & Media Engagements

Hollywood Actors Studio Self-Development & Performance

Aquadigigraphy A New Look at Art

Book Author

“Essential Skills Aligning Purpose with Potential”