Love Yourself as if your Life Depended on it!

You mean forget your neighbor?

What is conscious living?

So many clever slogans abound in the self-help corners of new-age literature. I have long thought that if you are lucky enough to be really awake, then the game of conscious living is to first be able to operate as yourself.

Human beings spend so much time thinking about things that don’t matter and worrying about what other people think. As a matter of fact, we are born into focusing on what others tell us we should be focusing on. Seldom, do we actually realise who and what has conditioned us the most. Many of our reactions and habits were imposed through peer pressure, rather than having been developed autonomously.

Loving yourself is much harder than you think

Bold premise: The key to understanding ourselves and make our relationships truly satisfying is selfish autonomy. Putting yourself before anyone. Oh boy, does this sound ego-centric! I know, the title of this article should have been “Love Thyself, forget your Neighbor”. Too weird? I simply want to draw your attention to aspects of our existence we might take for granted thus missing out on some important growth and self-respect.

Every human being has a natural way to make decisions. Unique to them. Early on, this innate power and autonomy is taken away: by parents, siblings, peer pressure, teachers, friends, rules of society, etc.

“If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes”

The authentic and natural expression of our deepest desires can only emerges as a direct function of the freedom to make decisions as ourselves. Having the autonomy to run our own show, so to speak. Haven’t you noticed that regardless of who influenced your decision-making process, you always end up being the one paying for the consequences? Which career to embark on? Whom to marry? What job offer to take? What college to go to? Getting an abortion or not? You are the one who has to live with it.

In truth, you are the only active ingredient for decision-making. It is a very necessary process. After all, through your entire existence until the end, you and you alone will experience your life. You can have empathy and compassion for someone else, but you can never be inside someone else’s body.

Very much like in an emergency situation or rough turbulence on an airplane, you must first put on your mask before your child in order to help it. Well, in life, you must first be yourself to be able to reach out to the other successfully “as yourself”.

Consciousness and memory

Consciousness is very different than memory. Why would I say such a thing? Well, did you ever think about that? While consciousness watches what is taking place in the “now”, memory remembers, measures and computes what has “already happened”. To me, it means that memory is retrospective. It is disconnected from what is happening. This distinction is important because we so often confuse ourselves in the present with our memories from the past. It can bring a great deal of unnecessary pain.

Funny how some fairly obvious observations, once spoken, become excellent opportunities for inquiry. Memory, like the mind, cannot solve existential angst.

Mind is not consciousness

I can only be conscious of my mind i.e my thoughts and the imagery that come with it. The mind is thousands of years of abstraction of brain activity. Though quite impressive, the mind can only be a measuring tool, though strategic and agenda driven, it certainly is not aware. If it was, we would have no problems and there would not be such a thing as a bad decision. It’s quite a thing to grasp. Collectively, we are still living under the nostalgic spell and ancient magic of mind-driven existential fears.

Practically speaking, when mind activity dominates your scene, it operates 100% out of memory and misses the moment at hand. It inevitably leads to various forms and frequencies of frustration and fear. As an example, it’s wise to remember that you cannot deliver yourself from bondage in the future.

Liberation

How does the mind take our lives hostage and seduces us to make decisions against our intuition? I have identified several key suspects for a line-up: Survival Fear, Conformity, Control, Jealousy, Competitiveness, and Comparison.

In my true view, to be oneself is to liberate oneself from the mind and its concerns for survival, need for approval, control and domination.

Conformity, jealousy and comparison are forms of collective blindness which only show their ugly faces when we want more in life than what we have.

Choose what you have and you will always get what you want!

To conform is to rule out your uniqueness and distinct contribution under the terrorizing pressures of the forces we have embodied within: being judged and so afraid to be different.

Conclusion? Don’t be like every other person. Bring your full attention to your instincts, intuition, and true feelings. Become intolerant to be ruled by your lower grade mediocre thoughts. Pay attention to them like a hawk on the prowl. Trust life fully instead of your ego-mind. You will not be disappointed.