Is People-Pleasing Contagious?

How frequently have you found yourself uttering the phrase “I’m sorry” throughout the day? In the realm of social and professional interactions, the compulsion to over-apologize can become an inadvertent habit.

The urge to please your audience, constant apologies, and patronizing behavior can easily become traps that ensnare us during group discussions, public speaking engagements, or professional communications.

Furthermore, the mistaken belief that being soft-spoken is the key to winning hearts can lead us down a treacherous path. It’s essential to pause and reflect on just how often we employ these phrases in our daily lives; the revelation can be truly astonishing.

At first glance, these behaviors might seem like harmless expressions or strategies for managing relationships, but, in reality, they can become formidable adversaries that hinder our personal and professional growth. It is imperative to recognize and actively avoid falling into these patterns.

People at large like audiences at a concert prefer to be dazzled and inspired rather than be catered to or worse be patronized. In my book, people pleasing is a kind of disease because underneath it masks a “compensation mechanism” for our nervousness or for not really feeling confident or grounded.

In matters of social and professional interactions, over-pleasing can feel like an addiction, it send a direct subconscious message that you are walking around with a metaphorical copy of “Co-Dependent No More” under your arm as you speak. Forget the hoped-for Holy Bible effect! It’s the wrong book you are carrying!

Catering is a “people-pleaser attitude”. It can be very subtle as we all grow up wanting to please. It’s a deeply ingrained cultural and social habit.

These attitudes transfer over when we speak or express ourselves publicly or professionally. They are loud “unconscious” intentions and carry a clear message.

Too much politeness is too often a sure sign that someone is lacking confidence. It can also be read as a manipulative strategy. The subtext becomes “what does he/she want that he/she has to be extra polite?

Apologising too much is another example. Catering, apology and too much politeness are counter-productive as they rob anyone of direct contact and forward action. It is nearly impossible to be free inside of that.

Catering, patronizing, apologizing and exaggerated politeness as modes or styles, come from poor self-confidence and lack of clear purpose. Trying to “make friends” with strangers without a clear invitation or a clear sign can be devastating as well; the effect is as disappointing as a magician showing you how the trick is done. It robs us of the “magic” of the trick. We love to be fooled and conquered as an audience member. It is an important part of the game and a subconscious expectation.

“Cater, patronize or apologize too much or inauthentically to any audience and they will turn their backs on you!”

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I have learned one elementary truth: people are not their fears, their doubts, or the stories running loops in their heads. There’s a masterpiece inside every being. I live for transformation. My true aim is to educate, empower, and challenge self-imposed limitations. If there’s a thread that runs through everything I do, it’s this: if you want to be free, trust yourself and trust life. I live by a single code: my instincts and intuition run my life, not my mind. My mind is a precious tool for research, stimulation, creative ideas, and communication with others — not my guide, my guru, or my boss.

Outside of work? I keep my world simple, cooking like a madman (with a glass of wine nearby), playing piano, researching, and writing. Humor — sharp and unrelenting — is my weapon against the dullness of small talk. I spend countless hours in conversation with my wife, deepening our understanding of life, each other, and the one thing that truly matters to us: awareness.

Critical Skills to Empower Your Journey & Light up Your Soul

I founded the Eric Stone Studio in Los Angeles in 1989, developing actors, performers, and voice artists, while actively working as an actor and director. In 2003, I expanded my coaching to business professionals, helping them master communication, self-awareness, leadership, and media presence. Today, I’m a husband and a performance coach, sharing my insights and techniques for public speaking, self-development, and business communication. From 1979 to 2015, I built a career in New York and Hollywood, performing on Broadway, in soap operas, and voicing over 400 films and animated series.

“All Great Outcomes in Life Come from a Paradigm Shift in Perspective.”

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