Are You Ready to Be Loved and Appreciated?

In matters of relationships, there exists one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid dreams of love & happiness.

In matters of communication and more specifically relationships, there exists one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid dreams of love, happiness, and eloquence.

What communication skills do you possess?

I have something very special to share. It is almost occult meaning it is very difficult to see and become aware of.

Good skills are only a safety net not an end in itself! Very much like a church is a construct for spiritual awareness but not the awareness itself.

We need a foundation of skills to plant ourselves firmly into the world so we can begin to effectively express who we are, our style, our brand…and ultimately reap the rewards of impact and influence — not to mention being truly recognised, appreciated…and of course well compensated for what we do. Hopefully our parents and teachers during the first seven years of our maturing process helped us with that.

Acceptance

Underneath the obvious purpose of any kind of interaction is the undeclared wish for the acceptance of who we are. Otherwise, what’s the big deal and fuss about the infamous “fear of speaking” or nervousness or even the anxiety about expressing ourselves fully anywhere and anytime?

We secretly or sometimes too openly hope to be well received, accepted…loved. Of course, we don’t tell anybody we need or want to be accepted or validated…or we simply have not yet realised how badly we’d love that.

But this need for acceptance is always there in the background as well as its opposite— what if they don’t?

Let’s face it, we love to be loved. I do! Mind you, there are so many kinds of love but the love of the self in action in the world is at the top of the list. Who does not like a hero?

Regardless, any individual is the vessel through which the words and gestures have to go.

Here is the rub: how can we be accepted and appreciated by others if we do not accept and appreciate ourselves first?

It may seem obvious and simplistic on the surface but I can assure you that it resides at the core of communication and simply because there are aspects of ourselves that are not known or accepted…and they get exposed one way or the other.

Think about it, when we communicate professionally or in high stake personal situations we are seen outside our normal comfort zones. Our spirit is challenged and emotions come up — they are supposed to, mind you.

Hiding is impossible when your speaking really matters and certainly when the outcome and the person you are speaking with really matters to you. Hence, why we get so nervous. That’s why self-knowledge acts as a formidable training ground for confidence building!

We all do a great job of hiding our fears when we are not exposed. The public realm (who we are with our loved ones, family, at work, etc.) makes us remember and it reveals those hidden fears. It is the magic of self-awareness or self-knowledge.

Nowhere else than in the public eye can we become more aware of the dismantling of our personal identity. If there are things we have not embraced about ourselves they will be (1) exposed and (2) seen. How amazing! You want to learn about yourself, then share in public or raise the stakes of what you are sharing about yourself with your friends or family, reveal some secrets as an example.

This is why transparency when it comes to communication of any kind is such a great choice . I have always recommended this technique called “playing in the open” similar to “having nothing to hide” so the people I coach understand that so much of the nervousness they experience is the result of wanting to hide. You must become willing to be seen and heard before you CAN. Simple and logical but these are usually the places we take so much for granted.

Nervousness, inadequacies, vulnerabilities, sensitivities, pains, disappointments, fears of all kinds, sense of loss, survival, lack of acceptance, lack of honesty, and let’s not forget vanity, scorn, and blame come rushing to the surface when we try to hide who we are.

They become the obstacles to surmount. They come in all forms and all dosages.

Play in the open and use your speaking opportunities to embrace all aspects of yourself fully. No holding back! So they can teach you about YOU and demonstrate how much you are appreciated!

I hope you enjoyed this article. If you want to read more about our backgrounds just click here!